Dick Slips and Seat Lifts

Dear Jen,
My sole mission when it comes to sex is to pleasure my girlfriend as much as possible, but for some reason, she has always resisted this pressure. She doesn't really like it when I go down on her, and she often has problems having orgasms. I don't know if this is a control issue (mine or hers), but nevertheless, it has always frustrated me.  

When we tried having anal sex, we used plenty of lube, but unfortunately, after repeated times of not being able to work it in, she got frustrated and wanted to stop. This would have been a good time to have listened, but I gave it one more good shot, it slid in (arguably too far), and she immediately ran out, crying.

I am rather conflicted in my endeavors and must admit, I am totally clueless as to what to do. Is my pursuit of pleasure unfounded since my partner doesn't wish it? Is my partner a control-freak who is scared of confronting her inner sexual being? Or, more likely, am I missing something?
- Confused Cassanova

Dear Cass,
Wow, well, I'm thanking my lucky stars that your sole mission isn't to pleasure me as much as possible.

I found your letter to be really bizarre.  Among other things.  You seem to understand that you actually pressure your girlfriend to enjoy the things you do to her, regardless of whether she finds them enjoyable or not.  And that ramming your dick into her ass when she asked you not to was perhaps not such a swell idea.  Woops!  And yet, you seem genuinely  confused as to why she's not enjoying herself.  I'm confused too, I really am.

I think the main problem here is that your sole mission when it comes to sex is to pleasure yourself as much as possible.  Because when you're doing things "for her," you're really doing them because it makes you feel good to think you're making her feel good, even if you're not making her feel good.  And this is why neither of you wind up feeling good.   Understand?

So, hows abouts asking her what makes her feel good?  And then when she answers, hows abouts you listen?  This is assuming she's not so overpowered by you that she can still form words with her mouth.

To answer your question, your pursuit of pleasure is indeed unfounded if, as you say, your partner doesn't wish it.  This is a little something we call rape.  It sucks being with someone who doesn't enjoy sex as much as you do, but forcing yourself on her is wrong wrong wrong.  And will make her enjoy sex, and you, less less less.   And if you keep it up, she'll be calling the cops cops cops. 

She is fully entitled to tell you what you can and can't do to her body.  So you have to accept her as she is, or go find yourself someone you're more compatible with.  Pressuring her to do stuff she doesn't want to, and forcing yourself on her, are many things, none of which are sexy.

Dear Jen,
I have a question, and since you're a chick I can pretty much guess which side you'll be on,  but in hopes that you can be somewhat diplomatic, I want to ask you:  why is it that guys are expected to put the toilet seat down, when it would be just as considerate, and easy, for women to leave it up for us?
- 2 Sides To Every Toilet Seat

Dear 2 Sides,
I can see why this is somewhat of a mystery to you, since you don't sit down every time you use the toilet.  But as someone who has more than once scraped the bottom of the bowl with her ass due to the seat being up when I sat down, I will cast my vote for the ladies (I have a friend who actually got stuck in there once.  It took two people and a bar of soap to wriggle her out).  So yes, we could just as easily leave it up, but you don't have as much to lose by mistakenly doing your thing with the seat in the wrong place.  It's like putting a rollerskate in the middle of the floor - you could just as easily put it in the closet, but if you don't, someone could very possibly land on their ass.

I also think it just looks better since the lower rim is oft covered with wee wee.

And in general, it's just one of the many sweet, gentlemanly ways to say, "I care about your butt."