Flirting Fiances and Lazy Lesbians

Dear Jen,
My best friend's fiancé flirts with me all the time.  I hang out with them a lot, but every time she's not around, he crosses the line.  He'll do things like tell me how pretty I look, or say things like, "I was thinking about you the other day and then you called.  It was so weird."  Why was he thinking of me?  And he says it with this knowing look.  A flirty look.

The problem is, I'm really attracted to him and would love to date him if he wasn't with my friend.  He's funny and smart and at this point, I'm as good a friend of his as I am of hers.  I would never do anything to screw up my friendship with her, but this has been going on for a couple months now and I'm worried something bad is going to happen.  Should I tell her what he does?  I'm worried if he ever made a move I wouldn't be able to resist either.  I don't know what to do.
- Hot For My Friend's Future Husband

Dear Hot,
Someone needs to give you a serious spanking.  Actually, someone needs to give you a couple of them.  First of all, what the hell are you finding so attractive about some jerk who flirts with his fiancé's best friend?  And what makes you think, should he suddenly step on her neck to get to you, that he wouldn't turn around and do the same thing to you with somebody else? 

The thing that's so annoying about your letter isn't that you're having these naughty feelings - who hasn't ever lusted after a friends' boyfriend or indulged in an occasional flirty poo with a married man?  It's that you're pretending you don't know what to do.  You want to bone him, clearly, and you want to pretend you don't know how to avoid having this happen. 

Do please give to me a break.

If you're serious about your friendship with this chick (are you?), next time he mentions how fetching your breasts look in that sweater, tell him to knock it off.  He'll deny that he meant it in a sexual way and accuse you of being an egomaniac, but he'll also stop flirting with you.  It also wouldn't be a bad idea to try and hang with just her for a while until you get your attraction for him out of your system.  Either that or you can fuck his brains out, screw over your friend, fall in love with his oh so witty and intelligent self and freak out when your new best friend (for you old one will be long gone) develops a new affinity for tube tops whenever he's around.

Dear Jen,
I'm a 32 year old lesbian and I've been single for most of my life.  I really want to meet someone, but I can't stand going to bars and almost all my friends are straight.  I get set up on dates every once in a while, but it's usually just with some girl who happens to be queer, not who happens to have anything in common with me.  My straight friends mean well, but it's getting frustrating. 

I also don't fit in to the lesbian community so well, what I know of it.  I'm not political or very "lesbian identified."  I'm just a woman who likes other women.  What can I do to put myself in a better position to meet someone without making myself miserable?
- Fish out of Water

Dear Fish,
I know what you mean.  I really want to get in shape, but lying around in bed playing with my stomach roll is so much more my style than doing sit ups.  I'd also like to have a buttload of money, but work?  What the hell?  Bore Ing. 

Everyone has to do things they don't necessarily want to get what they want. Who ever said finding someone to love was going to be a barrel of fun?  And why is it your friends' responsibility to do this for you? 

Get off your lazy, Bring-Me-Some-Hot-Lesbian-Booty-Now ass and go find yourself someone.  Take some classes, go out for a beer, do some volunteer work, get online and, most importantly, stop whining.  Your straight friends are better lesbians than you are - at least they're out there meeting the queer ladies.  Find out how they do it.  And next time they bring back someone you're not interested in getting all snuggly with, try being friends with her instead.  Or friends with her friends.  You have a much better chance of meeting a girlfriend if you hang out with your tribe.  Writing off the entire lesbian population as too political or too lesbian identified or whatever you've decided they are is a very convenient way to keep yourself single and miserable.  Stop your sobbing and get on with it, woman!