Flirts With Skirts and Fiddle Faddle

Dear Jen,
My girlfriend and I have been together for about three years.  She is gorgeous, hilarious, and fun - she's my best friend and I feel so lucky to have found her.  I'm just wondering, though, where you draw the line between best friend and lover, because I recently got in trouble with her and I'm not sure who's right.

There's this new girl who started working at my job who I find hellishly sexy.  She's much younger than I am, and I have this ridiculous crush on her, but would never do anything (unless my girlfriend was up for a threesome, which I know she's not).  I'm like a giggly schoolgirl around her, I get tongue-tied and probably blush, and I think it's really funny.  Plus, it's exciting to feel that way after not having felt it for so long. 

I told my girlfriend about it, and expected her to find it funny too, but she got really mad at me.  We both know I wouldn't actually act on anything, so I can't believe she's getting jealous!  Here I thought I was being open and sharing a good laugh, and now I'm in trouble.  Am I being a jerk, or does she need to loosen her bone, Wilma?
- Me and My Big Mouth

Dear Big Mouth,
And the answer is.....you are being a jerk.  How would you feel if your girlfriend came home all aflutter over some hotty girl she worked with, eight hours a day, forty hours a week, bending over to pick up lord only knows how many pencils?  It's not all about you and your ego boosts - you are responsible for someone else's feelings.  So you need to be careful about putting your significant other downwind of you batting your eyelashes at someone else, because that's a great way to blow one cold and nasty breeze over your relationship.

Why all the drama?  Because everyone needs to feel special.  And the fact that you love your girlfriend, and come home to her every night, does just that.  Talking about Ms. Newbiepants' righteous young melons does not. 

I don't by any means think we should go in to have our flirting mechanisms snipped off the second we commit to someone, because I think flirting is healthy.  It keeps the juices flowing, keeps your nipples hard, keeps you feeling fresh and sexy, which can spice up your relationship at home.  It just needs to be done with a certain degree of sensitivity.  Unless you guys have some sort of agreement, don't do it in front of the person you're with, and don't talk about it either.  Not with her, anyway.  It's like noticing a new wrinkle on someone's face, or finding their poopy panties on the bathroom floor - sometimes it's kinder to leave certain things undiscussed.

Dear Jen,
I've been having a great fling with this guy for about a year.  He lives with his boyfriend, and I'm his regular side trick who he sees once or twice a week.  We get along fine, the sex is through the roof, and I can lead my own, independent life. 

At least this is how it was.  A few weeks ago he and his boyfriend split up, and now he's calling all the time and stopping by unannounced.  I like this guy, we're friends and all, but no way do I want a boyfriend.  I know I'm hurting him by not returning his calls for days at a time, and I don't want to push him away (especially since the sex is so hot), but he keeps trying to get more out of me.  I went out to my car last night and he'd washed it and left a rose on the windshield.  Sure, it's nice, but he's getting whiney and I feel stifled.  I told him that I can't see him any more than I already do, but he's not having it.  How can I get it back to the way it was?
- Hot Sex, Hold the Strings Please

Dear Hot Sex,
I wonder the same thing all the time - why can't everyone just do exactly what I want them to?  Why do they insist on boring me with their annoying needs?  Clearly this guy isn't as good at the fling thing as you are, so the way I see it, you have two choices.  One is finding him someone, other than yourself, to love.  And doing it quickly.  Get him happily burrowed up someone else's butt and then maybe, if you're lucky, you can go back to being the side dish. 

The other option is to shake him off your leg for good - surely there's someone out there who can fiddle your faddle just as well as he can without the irritating cling?!  If he bugs you that much I can't imagine why you bother - I mean, is he toothless or something.