Dear Jen,
I've been on a few dates with a girl who has only dated women in the past.  Sometimes she's really interested in my company, and other times it seems like spending time with me is the last thing on her mind.  Up to this point I've been trying to blame it on her inexperience with men, but since I think I may really like her, I've been afraid to talk to her about it for fear of rejection. 

Is it possible for lack of experience to produce a situation like this?  Is there anything I can do to understand how she really feels about me?
- I Like a Lackluster Lesbian

Dear Lackluster,
I'm going to go ahead here and point out that you're acting a little girly, so it doesn't surprise me that Ms. Muffnstuff has chosen you to spearhead her first foray into the men's room.  A few dates are a few dates too few to be analyzing her feelings for you, and definitely too soon for an "us" talk (unless she's being rude to you, and then it's time for a "you no gonna treat me like poop" talk). 

You need to take some time to get to know her, and for her to get to know you, because at this point, much like a smiling baby, her motives are still a mystery (could be love, could be gas).  Put more time and energy into your relationship, and if she's still acting squirrelly down the road, ask her what's up.  Rejection or no rejection, at least you'll know where you stand.

As far as her sexuality goes, I understand your concern, but god forbid we all had to reveal our dating histories every time we went out with someone new!  I'd have guys wringing their hands under the table, worrying that their criminal records weren't big enough to satisfy me.

At this point, all you have to go on is the fact that she likes you and wants to date you.  Which is nothing to sniff at.  If she eventually decides that she wants to be with women, another man, her hand, whatever, worrying about it this soon is a big fat waste of time. 

Dear Jen
I’m happily married to a beautiful, funny and self-confident woman.  My previous long-term relationship was torpedoed by my ex’s infidelity, so when my wife recently dropped the bi-curious bomb on me, I was floored.  If I didn’t have any hang-ups I might be able to enjoy all that this new kink has to offer, but because of my history, I can’t look past what this would mean: infidelity.

We’ve had several good talks about it and she’s assured me that she understands my feelings and won’t break our trust. And yet, I’m pretty certain that she occasionally scans the personals for WSW ads. It may be an innocent act that fuels her fantasies, but now I’m a nervous wreck every time she leaves the house, or goes out of town, or takes a personal call in the other room. Is she setting something up on the side to “get this out of her system?”

I guess my real questions are: can a couple find a way to indulge such fantasies within their marriage, or will the desire to sleep with someone else always win in the end? And if we agree to let her sleep with a woman, can a square like me ever reconcile my feelings of betrayal and hurt?
- Hung-up Husband

Dear Hung,
First of all, you don't have "hang-ups" because you're not into the idea of your wife doing the wild thing with someone else.  That makes perfect sense to me.  You do, however, have a very serious jealousy problem, which will grow huge and thorny and devour your relationship if you don't deal with it. 

There is  nothing wrong with your wife having fantasies about sleeping with other people (who the hell doesn't?!)  The important thing is that she's never betrayed your trust - what will being suspicious of her every move do other than drive both of you crazy? Saddling her with your baggage from your ex's behavior is unfair, paranoid, and potentially lethal - she may wind up inviting the girls over for a game of naked "find the ping pong ball" just to get rid of you.

Your real question is: where can you find a good therapist to get you over your fear of betrayal?  Trying to work out the specifics of this issue, and many others, will be a disaster until you get a hold of yourself.