Good Vibrations and Bad Daddy

Dear Jen,
I want to know if you would recommend bringing a small vibrator on my honeymoon.  My fiancé and I haven't had sex in quite a while because we decided to hold off until after the wedding.  She comes from a fairly conservative family, and sex was never really a topic of discussion.  I've brought up the possibility of trying a vibrator before, but have never gotten a definitive answer.  I think she would like it, and I'm sure it would help to increase her pleasure, and that's really what I care most about.  Do you think it would be a good idea to bring one as a surprise, or wait until we've been married a while to bring it up again? 
- Good Vibe/Bad Vibe

Dear Vibe,
There are certain situations where a sexy surprise might backfire - picture, for example, leaping out from behind a bush, naked, with a hard-on, as your weary fiancé returns home from work with a raging headache.  Or pulling your hands away from her eyes to reveal the new grappling hooks swinging from the ceiling above your bed - ta dah!  Then there are the foolproof surprises, the romantic dinners for two, the diamond bracelet slipped beneath her pillow, the hours of unreciprocated oral sex.  So where does a small vibrator fit into all this?  Depends on who's doing the vibing.   In your case, we're talking about two people who've attempted to re-virginate themselves, and who can't really speak in full sentences about sex toys, so I'd say it fits in bed, at home, after the honeymoon and maybe even after a couple bottles of wine. 

Because I get the feeling that you want your honeymoon to be as picture-perfect as the big day itself, with only the purest, fluffiest, air-brushiest memories possible.  Bringing along something she's clearly uncomfortable with is a loose cannon that could easily put a stain on your lilly white day.  Either that, or it will wake up her inner whore and it'll be the hottest night of your life.  Who knows?  Your choice comes down to how badly you want everything to go smoothly - are you willing to take a risk on this magical day, the one you've voluntarily suffered months'-worth of blueballs for, or would you rather play it safe?

Ideally, I'd love to see you whip out the vibrator before the wedding.  It's rill important to make sure the person you're going to stay with till death do you part is able to properly peel your banana, so even though I find your abstinence romantic (sort of...actually, not really), it worries me.  What if she finds your wee vibe the lowest form of perversion, second only to deviating from the missionary position or doing it with the lights on?  That's some crucial information you'll want to have before you take a vow to forsake all others.

Dear Jen,
I'd like your comment on the whole "who's responsible for pregnancy" dilemma.  If a woman says she's on the pill and tells you you don't need to wear a condom, she can arrange a birth control failure (it happened to me).  The general consensus seems to be that the man has responsibility for the child because he went without a condom voluntarily.  The dilemma is this: when having sex with a partner who says you don't need a condom, to try to use one anyway accuses her of incompetence, and an insulted woman ain't gonna give ya any.
- Accidental Daddy

Dear Daddy,
For starters, I suggest you stop having sex with psychos, and that you wait until you have a solid base of trust (and some blood tests) before you go at it unprotected.   "It's ok, I'm on the pill?"  What about, "it's ok, I was just tested"?  Or, "I drive on acid all the time, I'm fine, get in the car"?  It's real fun to blame other people for our terrible decisions, but it's more fun to be a grown up. 

You are responsible for wearing a condom, just as a woman is responsible for demanding you wear one.  Anybody who finds that insulting in this day and age is too stupid to be having sex.  Seriously.  Do not fornicate with these people.  Wouldn't you rather go home and masturbate than sign up for eighteen years of child support duties or catch something that's gonna kill you? 

If you've been with this person for a while and feel like you were deceived, that is a different story.   Sort of.  Because as much as I'd have loved to have shaken my fist at the sky and cursed my bad luck after some of the psychos I've dated, it was my choice to be with them.  Could've chosen someone healthy.  Didn't.  So sometimes it really is dumb luck, but usually it's dumb ole you.

You can't control what other people do, only what you yourself do.  And you yourself needs to start setting a good example for your kid by making wise, adult decisions.  And by taking the blame for it when you don't.