Questionable Hubbies and Questioning Mommies

Dear Jen,
I've been with my husband for ten years and we love each other deeply.  We're fairly open about what we enjoy sexually, but one night I was feeling frisky and asked him to try something we've never done before, and his response was, "nuh-uh, you're my wife."  Wtf?  I don't want him going elsewhere to have wild sex with someone who isn't his wife...well, he wouldn't do that.  But I'm frustrated with the same old same old.  I've been mulling it over for some time and don't know how to bring it up.  We only talk about sex 1.)during foreplay 2.) while in the act 3.) when we're basking in the afterglow.  How do I find the words without crushing him?
- Wondering Wife

Dear Wife,
On the Official Master List of Relationship No No's, somewhere at the top it says, "don't talk about your relationship in bed."   It's like eating in bed - it gets sharp, pointy crumbs of anger, and gooey emotional sticky stuff all over your sex life.  Plus, it's just too distracting.  I mean, how focused can he be on what you're saying while you have your hand on his balls?

Sit him down sometime in the living room, or at the dinner table, and tell him you need to talk to him about something important.  Then, after you tell him how much you love him, and gush over how awesome he is in the sack, tell him how fun it would be to step it up a notch.  If he loves you like you say he does, he'll want to listen and do whatever he can to please you.  And hopefully, the fact that you're so comfortable with your wild side will rub off on him and make him less self-conscious. 

This is assuming that he's not too exhausted from giving the high hard one to half your neighborhood.  I can't help but find his wife comment alarming (and judging from the way you wrote about it, you're a little suspicious yourself).  It implies that hot, crazy sex is only appropriate outside a marriage, not that it's inappropriate altogether.   Big difference.  I would look into this.  Wtf indeed.

If it turns out that he's not screwing around, but that he just can't see beyond your virginal white robes, give him a little time.  And some food for thought.  Dress your inner ho bag up in sexy lingerie and parade her around the house. 

Whisper filthy nothings in his ear.  If it turns out that deep down he's just not into it, then he's not into it.  You'll have to accept him for who he is, just as he'll have to accept the 90 watt vibrator that'll be drilling a hole through your side of the bed.

Dear Jen,
I am a 22 year-old single woman.  My boyfriend and I just broke up, and we have a12 month-old son together.  I've been attracted to other women since high school, but have never had the guts to further explore my curiosity.  I really want to try it now, but things are more complicated because I have a son.  Do I explore my fantasies, or bottle them up and live a normal, heterosexual life?
- Worried Mom

Dear Mom,
If your idea of a normal, heterosexual life is humping the back of your couch after little Timmy's hottypants mom drops him off for playgroup, then go for it.  But wouldn't it be so much more fun to make out with her instead?

If your feelings about this are as strong as they sound like they are, you're headed for a long, unsatisfied life of what-ifs if you let your fears rule your decisions.  I understand not wanting to drag your son through your experimentation process, but he's one-year old.  In his mind, you are a pair of boobs, and as long as the boobs show up when he calls them, he doesn't care who else has been playing with them.

I think the real fear here is that you'll discover you like women better than you like men, and that you'll subject your son to growing up in a lesbian family.  While this can be a challenge in our poor, dimwitted society, it beats the hell out of having a mommy who's addicted to painkillers because she's so miserable in her normal, heterosexual life.  Your life matters too, and if you want to raise a kid who does what's in his heart and who's proud of who he is, then you should lead by example. 

There was a time when women couldn't wear pants, African Americans had to sit in the back of the bus, and orange juice was just for breakfast. The change started with a few, brave souls who stepped outside the norm and got the ball rolling.  By adding to the growing number of gay and lesbian families, you'd be doing a public service, helping to stretch the tiny, terrified minds of people who think that them thar queers outta be hosed off and locked up somewhere.

Nothing makes happy children like happy parents.  So if it turns out that you wind up finding true love with another woman, how excellent for both you and your son that you had the guts to seek her out.