Supersize My Sexlife and Figure Out My Fantasies

Dear Jen,
My boyfriend works seven days a week and lives about an hour away from me. On the days when he's not too tired, we have some of the hottest sex I've ever had, but those days are few and far between. And the problem is, once I get some, all I want is more! I've been taking care of myself more than ever - I sometimes masturbate three to five times a day. Am over doing it? Am I a nympho for wanting it so much? How can I keep him from falling asleep on me? We've talked about it before and he said he was gonna try to please me more, but it still hasn't happened. What should I do?

Having really hot, regular sex dangled in front of you, just out of reach, is like trying to eat just one potato chip or stop after that first free hit of crack. The main difference being that most of us choose to leave the bag unopened in the latter two scenarios, but hot sex, from a known source, with proven skills - are we made of steel here?! (That's it with the crack references, btw. It's so passé, I know, and I wrote about it last week too. WTF?!)

You are not a nympho, you're just really turned on. And in general, there's nothing wrong with lots of masturbating, as long as it's not getting in the way of holding down a job, maintaining meaningful relationships, or driving safely. Here's the thing though: it's getting in your way. Sex, just like junk food and drugs, can be a crutch, a quick fix that distracts you by focusing all your energy in one direction, energy that could be very useful to you in other ways.

As any good hippie knows, your sexual energy is housed in your second chakra, alongside creativity, morality, and money (meaning they all pull from the same energy source). If you don't work on finding some balance, you could wind up witless and hump happy, telling terrible jokes and stealing to support your battery habit. You'll also drive yourself and your boyfriend nuts, because as long as you obsess over it, you'll never be satisfied, and every morsel he tosses you will merely fuel your fire. Don't get me wrong - a healthy, shame-free sex drive brings a tear of joy to mine eye, but it's all about balance, Grasshopper. Channel some of that energy into other areas of your life.

As far as Mr. Gonna Try is concerned, I'm unimpressed. Relationships require time and energy, and he doesn't sound like he's putting much of either into yours. Has he ever taken a day off to spend time with you? Are you really in love with him, or is that just your clit talking? What has he done for you lately? Unless his workaholic phase is temporary, or he really is your Holy Grail of love, why not choose someone who's actually available, who wants to share his wakeful hours, love of sex, and zip code with you?

Dear Jen,
My girlfriend digs girl on girl porn. She's never had sex with another girl and swears she has no interest in doing so, yet she finds the images rather arousing. As one who possesses a penis, this is a bit difficult for me to comprehend. If I got turned on watching a couple of guys blowing each other, I'd figure I was gay. Does it work differently with women? Can you get all hot watching that and yet not have any interest in taking part in it?

 You are correct, it is precisely your possession of a penis that prohibits your comprehension.  Certainly there are women who don't "get it" either, but I'm very sorry to report that an alarming percentage of the straight male population has been coerced into believing that dude on dude action is gnarly, or strictly a homo thing (whereas two straight chicks going at it gets a hearty round of high fives).  Why is this?  Let's put your penis down for a moment and see.... 

Men in our culture are under a ridiculous amount of pressure to be "masculine."   I put this in quotes because the common definition and my definition are much different.  I believe that guys can sport a skirt, cry, and yes, stick things up their butts (even wieners!), and still be masculine, but the widely accepted definition is much more rigid.  And a lot less fun. 

The fact that this conditioning clouds one's understanding of titillation is depressing.  Here's the thing: what turns you on and what you take action on are often two totally different things.  Be you male or female.  I one time watched these two dogs go at it and thought it was kind of hot, but I wasn't out cruising the dog park the next day looking for love. 

So if you were turned on by a couple guys blowing each other, it could just mean that you got turned on by a couple guys blowing each other.  Period.  Fantasy and reality are two different beasts, and since you can't get sent to prison for anything that happens in the former, I strongly suggest you let your filthy little thoughts run wild.