SF Weekly, February 23, 2005

Sexy tips, tricks, and techniques in a fun, nonthreatening read

I'm either going to have to bang Jen Sincero or hand this book off to my husband, because it's just full of great tricks. Though the author runs through the gamut of issues a straight woman could face should she decide to dip her toe into lesbianism -- the ins and outs of sex toys, how to tell your friends of your new predilection -- I zoomed right in on the chapters with nitty-gritty sex advice. They're wise and apt and helpfully illustrated with cute line drawings and photographs of Barbies demonstrating proper technique (shades of Todd Haynes! How ever did Sincero and company find a tiny faux phallus for the strap-on snaps?). I found myself nodding along: Yes, this would be nice, and this also, and oh, would you get a load of this?

Other than the get-down lowdown, the book covers various areas of concern: safe sex, how to meet willing gay or bi women, how to introduce male friends into the proceedings. Each section is laced with practical advice (trim those nails, ladies!) as well as asides culled from the experiences of real women, making for a fun, nonthreatening read. It might even persuade a chick on the cusp of queerdom to gather her courage and go for it -- and what more could you ask for from a self-help book?

Co-ed Magazine, February 2005

Guys, buy this book for your girlfriend NOW. Look at me. I was straight as an arrow when I started this book, but towards the end of it, I was constantly checking out girls on the street. That's powerful stuff! The Straight Girl's Guide explains how women connect spiritually, and will give you (and her) insight into using girl power to achieve oneness or three-someness, or whatever you want to call it. The author, bisexual-turned-straight-shooter Jen Sincero, offers plenty of practical advice for the curious woman looking to experiment, ranging from the simple idea ('host a slumber party/kegger at your sorority house to meet girls') all the way up to more intimate pointers ('with your whole face in there it can get a little hard to breathe, so take a big gulp of air before heading in.') Bonus: plenty of neat charts and graphs to help the reader choose harnesses, vibrators, and sex toys. Best Line: 'If you met your boyfriend through your parents, for example, you probably don't want to put the word out to mom and dad that you're looking for someone to suck his balls while you make out with him.

Novelist Sincero's (Don't Sleep with Your Drummer) blithe and bawdy Baedeker to sex in lesbianland for heretofore straight women has the potential to offend. It's also funny, frankly satiric, and full of solid advice for pleasing women in bed-with up-to-date safe sex information. A welcome final section discusses possible aftermaths of such "tourism," followed by an excellent resource list. Illustrations mostly consist of photos of Barbie-type dolls in sexual poses, which lend a wacky decadence.

On Our Backs, Spring 2005

Okay, the title alone speaks volumes.  But don't judge a book by its cover - Sincero, a pronounced straight woman who has had "life-changing" sexual encounters with women, has something to say.  The book functions as a true guide, from where to meet chicks, how to give it to a chick (the illustrations of various sexual positions are done with Barbies, and who can't find that amusing and for some of us, reminiscent).  Sincero gives accurate sexual information, dating tips, and interviews with straight women who've done it with women and love it.  A positive, helpful guide for those just coming out.

Lay, Lady, Lay
This Straight Girl feels for you

by RANDY TIPTREE


Jen Sincero plops her willowy bod onto a sofa in her LA bungalow, incense burning and Neil Young oozing from the speakers. The author of a hot-selling new book, The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks, crosses her long, white legs, and out of her beautifully vivid mouth comes . . . Eleanor Roosevelt? Ah, come on, Jen—aren’t you going to tell us about your dildo collection? But wait—the 40-year-old former punk rocker from New York may be on to something. She quotes the presidential wife who had all the sex appeal of a tractor-trailer, but who gobbled up the gals with the best of ’em: “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.’’

Her book, which has sold more than 9,000 copies since it was published in February and has landed her gigs such as the Playboy Channel and The Howard Stern Show, is page-turningly nasty. Page 136 features a snappily done “Pussy Eating Pie Chart’’ (clit suck 36 percent, face plant 16 percent, etc.). But Sincero didn’t write Straight Girl’s Guide simply to titillate those obsessed with girl-on-girl sex (read: all men and not nearly enough women). No, she says. Her mission is “decriminalizing sex,” and—Eleanor would have liked this—making women feel empowered about their bodies, their sexuality, the whole package. This Sunday, she’ll hold a workshop about doing just that at Lotions & Lace, a family-run sex store in Orange.

“My main message is to love yourself and quit being such a weenie about exploring sex,’’ Sincero says, looking demure in a longish blue skirt and matching top as she sips a Mandarin Lime natural soda. “I feel like a lot of the self-help stuff out there is so dry, clammy and nauseatingly sincere. I like mine with a bit more of an edge. So my book poses itself as one thing but sort of sneaks in this other agenda about making people feel good about themselves.’’

Okay, now can you tell us what “puddle jumping’’ means? Oh, there it is on Page 107: “Switching back and forth from fingering her to fingering yourself.” And a “lickety split’’? “A one-night stand with a chick.” Keep talking.

“When I was in San Francisco,’’ Sincero says, “one of the most progressive cities in the world, I looked at all the women and said, ‘You don’t need me! Just drink a bottle of tequila and go outside!’” But women do need her, she says. Based on the extensive research she did for her book, which is on its third printing and recently was published in Australia, she says there’s a frighteningly large number of women who literally aren’t in touch enough with their bodies.

Take, for example, masturbation: “In a world where men jerk off in public,’’ Sincero writes, “how can it be that there’s still such a wall of silence and shame surrounding the practice of female masturbation? A female orgasm can be aloof, temperamental and mysterious, and she can take a while to show up, if she decides to show up at all. Most of us need to learn how to orgasm by figuring out which combination of fantasy, touch and concentration works for us.” In that spirit, the title of one chapter is “The Super-Huge Importance of Sticking Your Hand Down Your Pants.”

Sincero says she isn’t trying to “convert’’ straight women. And she eschews labels like “bisexual’’ in favor of simple exploration. She sees herself as something of a sexual crossing guard for those who want to check out the other side of the street but get there safely (finger condoms and latex dams; Sincero is a stickler for safe sex). A heterosexual, she got thrown for a loop when, in her 30s, she struck up a six-month relationship with a woman. She was confused: Am I a lesbian? Am I bi? “This book is more for people like me: What the fuck is going on?” After much soul-searching, Sincero concluded that although she loved a woman, she could not take the relationship seriously in the romantic sense. Something was missing: the “tug” she felt with men she had loved. And so she wrote her book, to work out some of the mysteries of sexual attraction—and to have some fun with it, right down to the helpful “vocabulary builder’’ breakout boxes and the pictures of Barbies engaged in various sexual acts (with no Kens). It was scary, she says: “I was worried all my friends would think I’d want to fuck them.” They got over it, but her book has gotten her some unwanted attention—mostly from “creepy guys and Christians” who think her blunt approach to sexuality gives them carte blanche to verbally rape her.

Introducing curious women to the hot world of girl-girl sex has been more than worth it, Sincero says. She feels she is empowering women and allowing them to gain a better understanding of what men go through being with them. Straight men, she says, also can learn a lot from her book. One chapter, for example, dives into the ins and outs of cunnilingus—though Sincero would never use such a stuffy word herself. She prefers terms like “romancing the panty hamster.”

Although firmly back in the dude camp now, Sincero says her sexual experiences with women have made her a better person. “Sleeping with women was like taking a superhero pill,” she writes. “It inspired interesting discussions with friends, family and a slew of strangers. It opened me up to the incredibly diverse world of sexuality that I’d only dipped my toe into before and which I’m now fascinated by.” She’s convinced men and women should open their minds—and their pants—to new sexual adventures.

“I feel like I’m in more control of my sexuality,” one woman dabbler says in Sincero’s book. “I feel empowered by this. Like I have some secret knowledge. . . . It’s hard to explain, but I think it’s made me more confident in my sexual encounters with men. [I’m] better able to ask for and get what I want.”

“I think everybody just needs to not be so ashamed and freaked out [about sex],” Sincero says—and especially about the notion of girl-on-girl action. “I think everybody just needs to calm the fuck down.’’


.

The Dallas Voice, February 2005

The Straight Seductress: Self-help author Jen Sincero guides straight women who are curious about plunging into the same-sex pool


When deciding to hook up with a partner of the same gender, some people either get bogged down with sexual identity issues or they just jump right in. And some do both, like Jen Sincero, the hetero author of “The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks” (Fireside).
“I had definitely fooled around with women before. You know, made out or pulled out a boob at a party. But I had never really gotten down with a girl,” Sincero says. A few years ago, Sincero and a close female friend were sharing a hotel room. The timing was right, so they enjoyed a night of unbridled passion. What started as an adventurous fling evolved into something more complex.
“All the sudden it was a relationship, and I became a wishy-washy nightmare,” Sincero explains. “I loved her, I loved the sex, and I loved being with her. But I didn’t feel like I could fall in love with her.”
So the fence-hopping explorer asked around. Her younger pals — some of them bona fide lesbians — encouraged Sincero to just enjoy the ride. But her older friends could empathize with Sincero’s self-torture.
“I was like, ‘What, at 36 I’m finally going to decide that I’m a lesbian when I had never really thought about it before? When I never really had crushes on women?’ It didn’t make a lot of sense,” Sincero remembers. The friendly fling eventually fizzled out. And after some deep reflection, Sincero determined that she was not a lesbian.
Sincero had also just released her debut novel, “Don’t Sleep with Your Drummer” (MTV Books). And there was a fascinating and sexy new topic lying at her feet.
At first glance, the title of “The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks” reeks of insensitivity. But after cracking the spine, Sincero’s razor-sharp wit and empowering text immediately win readers over.
In the first chapter, “Curiosity Didn’t Kill the Pussy — It Only Made Her Stronger,” Sincero explains why women have license to jump each other’s bones: Because straight men think it’s hot! It’s a gross double standard that actually benefits women.
Later, in that same chapter, Sincero delivers a sermon titled “Waking Up Your Inner Lesbo.” She notes that some women fear an innocent visit to Girl Sex City will manifest a desire to completely relocate. Sincero writes, “Anyone who’s that uptight about liking it too much most likely will. You need to first deal with a much larger issue: that you are a weenie.”
Sincero never thought she’d become a go-to girl for erotic advice.
In the ’90s, she kicked up some buzz as a corporate slave at Sony Music who moonlighted as the frontwoman for Crotch, an angry New York rock band that was half-satire and totally funny.
In 1994, Comedy Central gave Crotch free reign to make a high-production video. Sincero hired ’80s hit-maker Adam Ant for a brief cameo in her hilarious homage to construction workers for the “Power Tool of Love” music video.
In the late ’90s, Sincero moved to Albuquerque and started The Jenny Clinkscales Band. With songs like “S&M” and “F*ck Yeah,” the band became a hit — in New Mexico.
After a move to Los Angeles, Sincero wove her affairs with corporate rock and alternative musicians into the hilarious and poignant “Don’t Sleep with Your Drummer,” which was recently optioned by HBO.
In gathering materials for “The Straight Girls Guide,” Sincero surveyed about 100 women — some lesbian, some straight — and collected their candid opinions about sex toys, cunnilingus, masturbation and coming out. To illustrate some of the guide’s more graphic details, there are photos of cavorting Barbie-like dolls and illustrations by Dallas-bred artist Rembert Block.
Most of the “Straight Girl’s Guide” echoes a sexual liberation that shouldn’t be denied.
“The majority of women I spoke to said sex with another women completely upped their self-perception. Being with another woman makes you feel how hot your own body is — you’re touching someone who has curves and is just as soft as you,” Sincero explains.
But Sincero’s guide isn’t all fun and games. In the “And Boy Makes Three” chapter, Sincero is very clear about the damage and vulnerable emotions for couples who embark on group action.
“Sure, it’s standard straight-guy fantasy for two chicks to get it on. But it’s a totally different story when they’re in bed, and he’s suddenly not included,” Sincero says. “Things can get messy. But that can happen whenever you put two or three people in a room together.”
Some lesbians haven’t been too receptive to Sincero’s guide, which is to be expected. Rachel Kramer Bussel, a queer critic for the Village Voice, wrote to Sincero explaining that she was expecting to be put off by “Straight Girl’s Guide.” Instead, Bussel published a love-letter review.
“At first, I was terrified to write this book because I didn’t want to offend an entire population of women. And yeah, I’ve definitely gotten some attitude from lesbians. But I found once they actually read the book, they’re completely fine with it,” Sincero says.
Anyway, she says her book isn’t that earth-shattering. “Women are allowed to experiment. And that’s because our entire sexual personae is dictated by what the standard macho straight guy think,” Sincero says. “The book that’s far more necessary than mine would be ‘The Straight Man’s Guide to Sleeping with Dudes.’”
Sincero reads and signs copies of ‘The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks’ on Feb 25 at 7 p.m. at Borders, 3600 McKinney Ave.

Rachel Kramer Bussel

Please go to Variations.com for the whole interview...

Jen Sincero is about to confront both the gay and straight worlds with a book that may confound each: The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping With Chicks (Fireside, February 2005). Inspired by her experience with an unexpected romantic and sexual relationship with a female friend that lasted for several months and was incredibly intense on many levels, Sincero wanted to find out how women are changed by having sex with women, and what this means for their self-image, identity and sexuality.

While the title sounds gimmicky, the book itself is packed with honest observations from over 100 women across the sexual spectrum, ranging from confirmed lesbians to straight girls, bisexuals and women who refuse all labels. Their stories, and Sincero's own take on the subject, prove that sexual orientation is much more complex and open-ended than we're often led to believe.

Variations spoke with the Los Angeles-based Sincero, who's currently in a relationship with a man, about her target audience, the roots of bisexuality, and why women are given more free reign in our culture to experiment with their lustful feelings.

VARIATIONS: What prompted you to write The Straight Girl's Guide and how long did it take? How did you find women to interview?

SINCERO: I decided to write it because I found myself in a fairly serious relationship with a woman for the first time, three years ago when I was thirty-six. I'd messed around with them but this was the first time I'd been with anyone I'd cared about. It threw me for a loop. I really thought it would just be a fun fling and it turned into something really serious. It brought up a lot of questions that I'd never asked myself before and when I went looking for answers, I
found that there was not one book out there to help me out, so I figured I should write it. It started during the relationship, then the relationship fell apart, which really sucked?and I was still writing the book. As I was writing, the thing that happened in our relationship sort of mirrored what was happening in the book, to the point where I got to going back to dating boys. That's where I was at in my life. It's hard to write about stuff you're in the middle of. It
was originally going to be more like a chick lit, "I fucked a chick" guidebook, but the deeper I got into my relationship and the more women I spoke to, the more it became a complicated and interesting topic. The book definitely got a lot meatier the more I researched.

VARIATIONS: Do you think masturbation is an essential first step toward women being open to possibly sleeping with another woman?

SINCERO: I don't think it's mandatory but I'm certainly happy if they do try it, because how can you be comfortable in bed with somebody else if you're not comfortable with yourself? It was interesting because it was such a deeply personal thing for them to admit to me. It was the most personal thing, way way more than telling me their sexual experiences with other people. When I would begin the interview, I'd say, "I'm gonna ask you general questions and then get more personal, and don't answer anything you're not comfortable with." I'd start with how old were you when you slept with a woman, have you ever eaten pussy, and they would usually balk, and then get more comfortable so I'd be on the phone for four hours. But the thing that was so interesting was, after three hours of nonstop talk about their sexual adventures, I'd ask them about masturbation and they would just clam up and get really embarrassed and shy. It made me so sad and I was totally encouraging but it was just so personal and so weird for them. That's when I became an irritating life coach because I feel so strongly about it.

VARIATIONS: Do you think every woman is somewhat bisexual?

SINCERO: It really depends, because I did talk to some women who couldn't be less interested [in women]. But once people found out I was writing this book, every dinner party I went to turned into a pornography convention. The thing that so surprised me about writing the book is that I cried! I would cry when I was transcribing some of the interviews. When a woman
was telling me about going down on a woman for the first time, these hardcore explicit sexual acts, I found them so moving. I really think it was because I was so inspired by people talking about something that we have been raised to think is wrong, no matter what, just sex in general. I am so deeply moved by people being okay enough with [sex] to talk to a stranger about it. I think taking any kind of risk, especially sexually, and having it be a positive experience, is incredibly empowering because we live in a society that is so repressed, blasting through that wall of disapproval is huge, however you do it. The majority of them were open about it.

If you're looking for a little know-how, this book has got it. It's all packed inside, every little thing a girl might want to know about lesbian sex. The author really does a great job of covering all aspects (even cutting ones nails!). You can use it to spice things up with your lover, or to go all the way and use it for it's origninal purpose! If you're brave enough! All in all, this is a great read. I thorougly enjoyed it.

Any man - or woman - who has a female lover needs to read this book! Although I disagree with needing alcohol or intoxicants to facilitate certain, um, relationships, the straightforward information about how to please a woman is invaluable for anyone in any type of relationship - especially a longterm monogamous hetero marriage that may have grown stale, routine or otherwise boring. I personally do not advocate any extramarital physical/sexual actions due to all the diseases out there, but most of the information in this book can be applied to any relationhip or committed couple interested in greater pleasure, intimacy, or experimentation.